She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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