I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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