We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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