My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
