His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
