No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize