Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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