brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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