i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
