I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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