Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
