How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
