3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
