If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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