i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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