Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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