I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize