it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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