Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
