I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
