I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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