i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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