Heybabeimwearingurpanties
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
