ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
