Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I take back everything I said about communal showers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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