I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
