I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize