I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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