put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
time to smoke my breakfast
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
