the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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