I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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