1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
