I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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