i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
