and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize