Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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