and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
is wine microwaveable?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
