I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
