remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She said her name was "party"
I look better un-naked...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Drunk is not a location!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
