I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
