Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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