The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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