Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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