You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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