The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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