she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
