she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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