....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
