She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
