smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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