Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
