i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
