i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
