mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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