He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
