I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
