Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
