i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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