Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
