oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
