I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
