that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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