im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
