she woke up with a sticky ear
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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