so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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