also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
