Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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