R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
