Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize