Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
