Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
