Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
