dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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