yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dignity is for republicans.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
