Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
