Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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