Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
